Wednesday, February 26, 2014

torn

I’m sort of torn.

Many people who know me are aware that I prefer being naked. I just do. It feels good. It seems right. In the summer it’s great because I don’t have to turn up the air conditioning as high as I would if I were clothed.

However...

It’s winter now, and I don’t want to turn the heat way up high all the time. It’s my checkbook, but also the planet—it’s bad for both. I just don’t want to use energy unnecessarily. And I’m broke-ish. So most of this winter, I’ve been wearing some clothes around the house. Much more than I normally wear. If I don’t turn the heat up, it’s just too cold for comfort.

But when I go very long without being naked, I just get out of touch with my body. I’m not especially healthy, not really in shape, but when I get out of touch with my body this way, I feel less healthy, less happy.

So…I’m sort of torn. 

Sunday, February 2, 2014

If...

If I were a songwriter, but almost no one would sing my songs, so I sang them myself, no one would have a problem with that.

If I were a choreographer, but very few dancers were to be found to perform my work, so I choreographed a solo dance for myself and performed it, no one would think that was strange.

If I were an actor, but rarely would anyone cast me in a show, so I staged my own one-man show, no one would unfriend me.

If I were a novelist, but no publisher would actually publish my book, so I self-published, no one would think I was immoral.

But... 

I am a photographer, but I struggle with finding people willing to model for me, so I sometimes take pictures of myself. 

And for that I lose jobs. Some that I know of, and probably some that I dont. 

I lose friends. I know of many, but there are probably people who keep their distance and choose to not get to know me because of it. 

It’s been suggested that I am lacking in character and integrity, and somehow I’m unsafe to be around. And THAT is just plain craziness. Ask anyone who ACTUALLY knows me if I have character and integrity. 
.  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .

Anyway, I’m feeling pretty pissy tonight. Another model no-show (and no text nor response to my text) plus a friend telling me they won’t model HER FACE for me because of her job equals angry.